Let's Stop Telling Women to be More Confident
A part of our process, in creating a piece of theatre which reflects company culture, is speaking with women and minority groups to hear their experiences. As you can imagine, there are a lot of recurring themes. Often women talk about the struggle in having their voices heard, both quite literally getting heard in a meeting (a Brigham Young University and Princeton study showed that 75% of conference meetings are dominated by men) but also feeling that their voices and opinions were valued. They regularly speak about a lack of confidence or ‘imposter syndrome’ being the problem for the challenges they face.
If only they had the confidence to go for the promotion, turn down more office housework, speak up when interrupted in meetings…when in fact, the lack of promotions, the unfair distribution of ‘low value’ tasks and toxic meeting culture are not the fault of women but the deeply biased cultures in which they are operating.
This focus on confidence is taking the conversation away from the systemic problems that women and minority groups are actually facing. Because even if they do begin to exude confidence, it had better be the perfect amount: too much and they’re aggressive, too little and they’re clearly incapable of being a leader. The common theme here is that, no matter the barrier holding women back, it’s always their fault. And the solution is likely to be a course they need to take, a book to read, some extra work for them to take on etc.
Women’s confidence or communication style is not the problem. In fact the qualities that are more typically found in women - humility, self-awareness, empathy - are also proven to be the qualities held by inclusive leaders. (Hang on, shouldn’t we be encouraging people to behave more like women?!) But unfortunately when operating in male-dominated spaces, exuding masculinity is often the way to get to the top. This creates harmful, toxic cultures that aren’t inclusive for anyone.
It’s important for us to generate awareness of this issue, as we know that women have a tendency to take responsibility and self-blame. Instead, let’s share that burden - here are three things you could do to address the imbalance that women face:
Speak with women to hear how they experience your work culture and ask what support they need. Start by creating a safe space for them to speak openly and take action/follow up on the conversation.
Reflect on how equitably the resources and opportunities are distributed within your organisation - there are plenty of online resources to help with this. And how equitable is your meeting culture? Are all voices being heard or just the loudest? How can you lift the minority voices?
Normalise a conversation around bias. We all have them so let's work to keep ourselves and each other in check so that women aren’t being unfairly held back. And hold each other accountable. That could be through a weekly check in at a team meeting where individuals share any DEI learning (or unlearning).
Equity is about meeting people where they are, acknowledging we have different needs and different ways of communicating. So this International Women’s Day, let's stop telling women they need to be more confident. Let’s #EmbraceEquity - celebrate our differences and give women the space (and resources and opportunities) to be their authentic selves.
Squash use drama to challenge gender bias in the workplace. If you’re looking for a refreshing approach to gender bias, get in touch. It’s time to Squash.